The first year of a baby's life is marked by many precious milestones - when they first smile, laugh, sit up, crawl, stand, walk. As a parent, you look forward to these milestones and take note of them because each milestone marks a new development and awareness in your child that takes your breath away to witness. I think it's also important to note that parents meet milestones too. For instance - that time I finally stopped breaking out into a nervous sweat when my baby would cry in public was a huge milestone for me. Or the first time I left the house with my baby all by myself (we drove to his well baby check up - two words: car mirror). Or when breastfeeding finally got easy, the day I decided to wean him, and our last breastfeeding session - all really important milestones. Last night, my husband and I went on a date - our first real date in 9 months. It was the first time we hired a non-family member to babysit! It was definitely a big deal. But I finally felt semi-comfortable to take this plunge because Sam started sleeping straight through the night. Before then, I didn't feel comfortable leaving the house knowing that he would wake up in a few hours. It was so fun! My husband and I talked a lot - yes, we talked about Sam, but we managed to have normal adult conversation too! We laughed a lot. And I even got a little tipsy! It felt good. A major milestone that marked a new development and awareness in our role as parents.
I was born a few days before Halloween so you can imagine all of the Halloween-themed birthday parties I had growing up. This is probably why I've always felt very indifferent about Halloween - I don't hate it, but I don't love it. After having my son sam, the question on everyone's lips since October 1st has been - "What's Sam going to be for Halloween? His first Halloween!" I seriously didn't realize a baby's first Halloween was such a big deal! And my response of "Well, I'm not really into Halloweeen..." was met with shock and horror! I had one friend tell me - "Well you better get into the spirit! It's a BIG DEAL for children." really? it is? I get it. It's about imagination - a night where you get to celebrate ghouls and monsters and things that go bump in the night, to dress up in costume - the mystery and the slight fear. The world to a baby and a child is cloaked in shadows and the unknown. Everything is new and sort of scary and there are things they can't understand or explain. Taking one day to celebrate it, to make all of those things ok and to actually participate in it, is satisfying - not to mention fun and filled with sweets! So i've made Sam's first Halloween costume - well part of it. And he will participate in his daycare's Halloween parade - it's going to be fun and SUPER CUTE! Maybe I'll really get into the spirit and dress up myself! Crazier things have happened...
PS. This Halloween costume definitely puts the one I made for Sam to shame! Yowza.
I love to visit The Glow when i'm feeling uninspired. I discovered the site when I was pregnant and I would daydream about what my foray into motherhood might look like. I have to admit, the site is aspirational and I can't say that my life always correlates to the mothers featured (for instance, I would love to say that my go-to maternity uniform was a Rick Owens t-shirt paired with a pair of stretch jeans from The Row, a la Ferebee Taube... but it sure wasn't!) BUT, one can always indulge right? The most recent post featured Molly Guy and her darling daughter Sunny. Molly Guy is the beautiful creative director of the popular "anti-bride" resource Stone Fox Bride and this is what she said: I was very ambivalent about becoming a mother. Once she arrived, the love was like a drug. But that whole passage of time was also really colored by an intense sadness. Embracing the responsibility of motherhood was a real mindf*&*ck. No longer could I get away with being a selfish, disorganized, chain-smoking negligent who bounced checks left and right and hit snooze a hundred times while dirty dishes piled up in the sink and never answered to anyone. There are some mornings when I'm cutting up my daughter's grapes into fours after three hours of sleep while the sun is coming up and I'm in a flannel granny moomoo and NPR is on and I'm like, "Where's my cigarettes, where's my naughty Saturday night fling and ripped black lace lingerie and I just wanna call in sick to work and take Klonopin and google all my exes and only eat Gummy Bears all day." Falling in love, becoming a mother and growing up in general has this sort of beautiful "deal with the devil" vibe to it. The amount of wisdom and love you gain is directly proportionate to the vanity and ego you're willing to lose. My personal transition into motherhood was similar. I don't know what Klonopin is and I was never a chain smoker, but the sentiment is right on. And it's a "mindf*&*ck" because this sadness and yearning for your past life happens as you're falling madly and deeply in love with your child - it's difficult to reconcile, to exist with two such opposing states of being simultaneously. I've never experienced such a bizarrely beautiful thing before. As the days and months go by and I've gotten into the groove of being a mother, that sadness and yearning has dissipated. The day to day of motherhood becomes all I care about. So the transition becomes easier and I start to feel settled in and my love for my baby continues to grow and I believe it knows no bounds. Sometimes - only sometimes - when my head is hitting the pillow at 9pm because I'm exhausted and know I'll be up several times during the night, I'll remember when 9pm was the start of my night, not the end, and I'll smile. {via the glow}
When I was pregnant and my mom-friends tried to tell me that I should join a mommy support group, I vainly scoffed - why would I need the support of complete strangers? Wouldn't I just go to my own mom or ask my mom-friends for advise? I was clueless. And here's where I gingerly take my foot out of my mouth - I am on an online mom support group now and it's been my saving grace. It's like Craigslist but with just local moms. I've sold numerous things through this board - both mom/baby related and not mom/baby related (like my upright piano, for instance). I also bought things through this group and got things for free (like a few unopened cans of the very expensive hypoallergenic formula that my son has to drink). Above all else, the stories I read on this board, the advise I receive and the general knowledge about motherhood that I've become privvy to through this group has been immeasurable. I am grateful for this type of support and community. Recently, a mom had posted that she was about to return to work full time and she was nervous/sad/anxious about leaving her baby at daycare. I immediately responded. It's a subject that hits home for me. I went through the same anxiety - and still do - about being a full time working mother and leaving my 8 month old at daycare. It was - and still is - one of the hardest things about my journey into motherhood and I'm constantly seeking that perfect work/life balance. This is what I wrote:
i was in your shoes 4 months ago! it gets easier - it's what all of the working moms i spoke to told me and i didn't believe it at the time, nor did i believe it for weeks afterwards... cut to now, 4 months later, and lo and behold, it has become easier.
i'm not trying to sugarcoat it like it's now a walk in the park - it's just that i don't cry everyday in the parking lot after dropping him off like i did before so i consider that a vast improvement! i do get pangs of guilt sometimes. and sometimes i will come home late and he's already in bed and i'll cry quietly as i sit by his crib and watch his sweet sleeping face, because i miss him.
on the other hand, if you were a career driven person before baby, that person will come back and you will find some comfort and relief in knowing that at work, you know what you're doing, and it's actually a cake walk compared to being a first time mom. and you will smile at yourself when you're sitting in a meeting because you'll catch a glimpse of your old self and it will feel nice to have her back, if for just an hour. there will be days when your brain is mush because, if you're baby is like my baby, it may take a few more months for him to sleep through the night and waking up 3-4 times a night, then getting up to work a 10 hour day is the definition of torture. just thank your boss and colleagues for their kindness, and they will cut you some slack. (and if you were a bit of a control freak before, let this be a major lesson in delegation!) your baby will get sick - it's inevitable. and if you don't have back up care, you will have to take more time off to stay home and take care of him. on the one hand, it will be nice to be at home with him again, but a sick baby is the saddest thing in the world so you'll feel bad that he got sick and probably got it at daycare. just have peace of mind that he's building up antibodies early and have a baby comfy nose on hand! regarding "milestones" - just smile politely when the caregiver tells you he's done something that you've never seen him do before. i'm a firm believer that it did not happen until mom sees it happen. it flat out doesn't count. from the baby's perspective, i truly believe babies love being around other babies. my son is in awe of the older babies around him who are already crawling and standing and walking - he himself started crawling at 6 months and stood up at 7 months (which i'm told is on the early side) and i think it's because he's been watching the other kids doing it and he learned from them. it's the sweetest to watch him interact with the other babies and i feel good that he's in a safe place with his peers. coming home to see your baby will be the best feeling in the world. and because you won't be spending as much time with him, the quality of the time you will spend with him will be richer - you'll make sure of it. you'll constantly strive to find balance and be at peace with all of it and more often than not, you may feel out of whack. but it's ok. and cut yourself some slack - trying to juggle everything isn't easy and some things will fall through the cracks but again IT'S OK. we're all a work in progress and nothing puts that into better perspective than becoming a mother. and your sweet baby is already lucky to have a mom who cares enough to reach out for support because you love him that much. {via xi pan}
